I read the books and passed the tests and felt my passion burn,
Eagerly embracing opportunities to learn.
And then, a vexing problem, and an irony so bitter:
Whenever I’m on call for births, the ladies don’t deliver!

Possibly my very presence warps the laws of physics.
Some believe my aura is a potent tocolytic.
Maybe some bored deity’s amusement is profound
When he sends ladies into labor when im not around!

Other midwife students show a confident aplomb,
Guiding countless babies to the world outside of Mom.
While here beside my silent phone, I feel my hopes deflate
And out there, countless pregnant ladies wait, and wait, and wait.

There are a dozen gravid women due a week ago,
Their cervixes are soft and ripe, they have a bloody show.
They may be now contracting through a lengthy latent stage -
But watch - when they deliver, Ill be otherwise engaged!

Why must my midwife training be so doggone complicated?
I’m hoping that the tide will turn and Ill be inundated!
And so I cling to patience, and prepare to leap to action,
In case some pregnant lady should experience contractions.